Apparently Britney Spears is being paid £195,000 a night to perform in Vegas, under the tightest restrictions. I went to see what all that was about.

It was the first time I’d passed through a metal detector at a gig.

Here’s what stuck:

Britney opening on ‘Work Bitch’, undoubtedly a punk retort to her paymasters.

“Tonight’s show is called ‘piece of me’ because it’s literally a piece of me [sic]” – this was her first un-mimed utterance, 20 minutes in.

Set list in accordance with key, no b-sides.

Rhinestone ‘Je suis Charlie’ jacket.

I recall that the advert outside promises ‘over 20 hits’.

The bit where domestic abuse is portrayed through interpretive dance.

Three minute costume changes, something I’ve never witnessed at The Windmill.

“I get so wet every time I do that, it’s so awful”.

The bit where she walks an audience stooge like a dog and whips him, frivolously.

‘Lucky’ is a cry for help, the warning signs were there people.

Finishing on ‘Work Bitch (Reprise)’